Friends do not need to share a goal, but they do have to share some common values. A couple that merges with no purpose other then hedonistic, with no common goal, will form from a vacuum that will end up being filled with all sorts of external impulses and influences.
That is why marriage, or some ceremonial form declaring their bonding, is necessary. It is not only to swear fealty to one anther, but also to declare that together the will shap their shared vision. If not, then it is just another external bonding.
In times of yore, the goal was of bringing children into the community, as well as ensuring the continuation of the family and their community. This context was generally determined by the society. If it was determined solely and autonomously by the individuals themselves, marriage would then mean something else completely. At this stage we are caught betwixt and between, like being stuck in a passageway.
If our culture espouses the goal of individual freedom, then it will essentially become hedonistic and narcissistic. It will tend towards self-gratification—for what else will most choose?
Society by its very nature impinges and constraints each member in order to create the very form that is know as "society". That is different from culture, which is the expression of the individuals within and through that society. It is powered by the inner pulsation of live, within the freedoms that we have as individuals, something which the society can only constrain.
Also, these free beings are easier to manipulate, as they don't have a common goal/form as of yet. The very process of individuation is antithetical to the unification needed to form a "free" society. In the dissolution of the society that follows the impetus to individual freedom, the power of form begins to emerge. The vision should be on of dynamic balance between Halacha and Kabbalah, the practice and the spiritual needs of people.
Think of it as the difference between gas, liquid and solid. Solid is fanaticism, or tyranny. It has its attraction, being solid—simple & clear. Gas is very loose, and the individual atoms/molecules have a large amount of freedom. We need to be liquid, though which, in order not to become muddy and bleed away, needs a solid container.
We all the time desire freedom from the constraints of life. Firstly, we have to accept that to be alive requires some level of responsibility, which will necessarily place constraints on your individual freedom. Everyone knows that having children will place that much more restriction on your freedom as well.
But, what is it that we need this freedom for? Hopefully to build a society that is different... less oppressive perhaps—with different values.
Where is our charter, the manual of commandments with which we march?
How difficult it was for the nation—without a state, without claim to a specific piece of land. But it had a charter, not as we envisage it today, but what one could call a "spiritual charter". One that in many ways made no apparent or simple sense—in this world perhaps. But nevertheless was a manual, a blueprint, that formed a people. Thus we have to once again become a spiritual nation.