I ran away
instead of facing the darkness
and acknowledging it
as a reflection of my own
shadow.
I disowned it.

My prayer
which denied what was happening
instead of asking for guidance
i asked to be released.

For what?
Do with me what you will
I demanded,
but not this!
Perfect.
And yet still, I
was “unhappy”.

And now?

Feeling nothing,
Only a seething mass in my belly
like riding a large serpent.