Red Toyota

You turned in front of me, driving in the red Toyota 4-runner, and I thought you were pretty. For a while I was behind you, and noticed how you were tailgating. That got my goat, and gave me an extra incentive to see if you were as attractive as I imagined. Eventually I had the chance to pull into the lane next to you, and passed you. I glanced up as we drew adjacent, and you were lovely. Now it all changes of course. A couple more times we were next to one another. Once we were even waiting at the light, and I had plenty opportunity to surreptitiously take in your loveliness. You were young, though not too young, mid-twenties I would guess. Short blonde hair, pageboy style. You, of course, never glanced my way. The final parting occurred when you pulled into the turn lane, and we waited together at the light. It turned green, and I was looking at you, one last look. You turned and looked at me, and there was a smile on your lips! I was taken aback.

I am afraid to lose control. And lovely women make me feel weak and not in control. My affirmation is to enjoy the journey.

The dance (Personal)

The dance today was different, in that I had a lot of support and affirmation from all the women in the group. Even the facilitator said that I was a wonderful dancer. This affirms my belief and feeling in the dance. I have been playing soccer and volleyball in lieu of my dancing. But I need to get back on the bandwagon.

Anyways during the dance today, while I was in trance, I suddenly got this picture of the women wanting me to continue. They were supporting me in what I am doing and want me to succeed to realise my potential. Each one thinks they want me, but as a whole, they want me to bridge between them and the male principle. A sacred male prostitute! A kwitsat ha’derech. I have to remain strong and true to my belief and principles. I see something and I need to offer it to us all.

Personal

Why show me the path, and then I die with never having revealed it? It is the way forward, it is the only reasonable future to hope for. For, if not that one, then what alternatives are there? A totalitarian regime, with absolute control over the whole of humanity? Or a bloody, chaotic descent into barely surviving pockets of humanity (if we survive the apocalypse)

Returning

4/13/02

It is painful to be back in my “real” space. After entering into a state of bliss, a place of unconditional love, of non-judgmental relating, we return, as if from outer space to the dependencies and dependents, the enabling and the co-dependent relationships; the loves that manifest in the material – as of daughter, of husband, of lover and love, of Father and of friend – with all their limitations and expectations, and slowly we emerge from the fog and the harsh light of the day removes all the shadows, all the soft places.

5/1/2001 9:32 AM

After the high, comes the low.

Flowing with you all, dancing, meeting, journeying, touching and being touched,
I return to my life changed, as always after being touched, and long for some more.
To spend my life dancing for and with the spirits, to be communicating with them, and
Help deliver their teachings and love to us all – is my dream.